Humility

Recognizing Pride as a Reflex

In our journey towards humility, the first step is recognizing pride for what it is: a natural human reflex. When the pride reflex is triggered—whether it causes us to mask our insecurity with bravado or retreat into modesty to avoid scrutiny—fear is in control. It's the fear that our true self, with all our perceived imperfections and limitations, might not measure up.

Like other reflexes, pride is a defense mechanism. It's hard-wired into our psyche, like other instincts for survival, but still within our control. Hunger, for example, is a reflex that helps us survive, but we still choose when, what, and how to eat. Similarly, we can learn to recognize our pride reflex and choose how to respond.

Acknowledging this reflex is crucial to understanding our natural tendencies when we feel vulnerable. It's the first step in developing the self-awareness necessary for cultivating humility.

Reframing Humility as Strength

Vulnerability is often equated with weakness, but when it comes to humility, the opposite is true. Being humble means being vulnerable on purpose. Taking such a risk is precisely why humility is actually a sign of strength. Let's break it down:

• If humility involves risk, and…
• Risk-taking requires courage, and…
• Courage requires strength, then…
• Exhibiting humility is Exhibiting strength.

This is why accomplished people who are humble make better colleagues and friends. They have a quiet confidence that exudes strength. Their particular kind of strength signals safety to us; safety to believe and trust, because we detect authenticity in them rather than suspect ulterior motives.

Brené Brown, a research professor who has spent years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy, argues that vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage. Admitting that we don't have all the answers or that we need help is a sign of great strength. When we summon the courage to be vulnerable, we open the door to real connection and growth.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Humility

1. Be Kinder to Yourself

Insecurity thrives on a lack of self-respect. Some silently berate themselves for not knowing enough, for not being enough, and especially for the mistakes they've made. While we need our inner critic to drive us towards self-improvement, harsh criticism is not constructive criticism. It can be seriously detrimental to our well-being.

The shame we feel from harsh self-criticism can make us more prone to anxiety or depression, weaken our resolve to overcome adversity, and alienate us from others by making us less empathetic. Without a nurturing voice in our head, we more often choose unhealthy ways to cope, which only makes matters worse.

Practice compassion for yourself using the same voice in your head that you would use to support a friend. Acknowledge your efforts, your growth, and the courage it takes to face your insecurities. When you fall short, give yourself some credit for even recognizing what 'short' is—something that requires discernment and ambition. That, alone, is worth a pat on the back.

2. Be Grateful for Adversity

Gratitude takes practice. It's natural and easy to be grateful for success or rewards, but what about hardship? What about being grateful for circumstances that enable us to learn and grow, especially those that come in the guise of failure or rejection?

Gratitude shifts the focus from what we lack to what we have; from how far we have to go to how far we've come. By acknowledging the good in our lives and the contributions of others, gratitude encourages a growth mindset, paving the way for personal and professional development.

3. Be Curious

If you're struggling with humility in every other way because confidence is a habit, you're not alone—it's a common struggle among high-achievers. But getting better at humility doesn't have to feel like a leap in the dark; there are smaller steps you can take.

For example, if pride makes you feel as though you're laying your whole soul bare to risk being vulnerable, take refuge in curiosity. A curious mind isn't necessarily lacking ideas or solutions; it's making room for insights and alternatives. Where's the vulnerability in that? There isn't any; only the potential to acquire more confidence.

The next time you face a problem-solving situation and feel pressure to be the expert in the room, ask yourself if that's just your pride reflex kicking in. Resist the impulse to have the answer, control the outcome, or save the day and allow yourself to be curious instead.

• Ask for thoughts and opinions.
• Listen, without being judgmental.
• Support someone else's lead.

How you frame this approach in your own mind is key, and known only to you. Only authentic curiosity will get you any closer to humility. If your intent is not to ask, listen, and support because you're genuinely curious and want to learn, then you're only pandering. That's not necessarily bad, it's just not real humility.

4. Embrace Continuous Learning

Adopt a mindset of continuous learning. This mindset is inherently humble because it acknowledges that there is always more to know, more to understand, and more ways to grow. It turns every challenge into an opportunity to learn rather than a moment to be feared for exposure.

Keep an eye on how these small changes affect your work and your relationships. Noticing positive shifts here and there should lead you to try being humble in more vulnerable situations. Make that your goal, but get there steadily. Cultivating humility is a gradual process that takes patience. The trust-building that happens along the way will transform your confidence into the strong, silent type that others respond well to.

In our next and final part on Humility, we'll explore how these practices can transform your design process, professional relationships, and overall approach to your craft.